Bersyukur sangat. Sumoah sangat bersyukur. Siapa sangka (bukanlah niat nak riak, tapi nak flashback dan compare diri) dulu, aku ni xpakai tudung kat lua, sekolah je pakai. Lepas tu depan rumah xpakai tudung, nak pegi tempat lain pakai. Lepas tu upgrade pakai tudung di mana2 saja walau nak sidai kain tapi.... Pakaian tak yah cakap, sendat jee... Solat tu boleh kata tak pernah. Betapa jahilnya lah aku dulu.
Masa kecik-kecik pernah terlintas dalam hati, aku tak baligh lagi, buat apa nak solat. Solat bila dah baligh nanti la. Bila dah baligh, tak jugak reti-reti nak solat. Sedangkan dosa dah dikira. Dosa tu dah dikira sejak belum baligh lagi. Sebab ap? Sebab masa tu dosa dah dikira apabila seseorang budak tu dah boleh fikir baik buruknya sesuatu perkara. Opsss lupa pulak im suppose to type this in English as a practice. Sorry.
Who knows, i'll become like this. I have never expected that i would someday be like this in future. I never expected to have a friend who wears niqab (Subhanallah how sweet). I never expected to be in UPSI. At first i dont want to be in UPSI. No class. People dont know UPSI as much as UiTM. But Allah SWT knows best. Never expected to have such great friends here. Maybe if i went to UiTM, i wont have friends like them.
Who would have thought (well i didnt) that i will become like this. Using a very long pashmina, it reaches my belly. Ive seen Dena Bahrin wearing hijab until that long. I was thinking, wow, thats just soooo not me. I wont wear those hijab. But then, automatically, i changed little by little. Its not that hard you know. Maybe its hard for me to wear very big hijab like my niqabis friend do. A pashmina would be fine with me. Now no more bawal for me. Its too short.
Once, Dena Bahrin posted her pictures with her husband, when she was pregnant 6/7 months i think. I cant see a change in her at all. I cant even see her belly! Because of her hijab. It covers her whole body. She is quite small you know. Which is good.
Who would have thought that one day, i will have the urge to wear a niqab too. Now i just cant stand looking at muslimat with niqab. They are simply......awesome! I wanted to wear it, and have once experienced wearing it. Damn its soooo hot!!! The moment i opened it, i can see sweat dripping. It is so hot. Very hot, even i didnt realize that i was sweating hard under the niqab.
But there is something that i feel when i wore niqab. The feeling of safeness. I am saved by those eyes from watching me-my face then examining the whole body from head to toe. Experienced it before. I am saved by my own akhlak. Do you know that there is a difference when you wear a trouser and a skirt? You tend to walk femininely when you wear a skirt. You tend to walk carefully, with full of grace. If i were to wear a trouser, i will walk like that road is mine all alone. Theres no more gracefulness in my steps. When you wear baju kurung, it is different with when you are wearing tshirt. You will tend to behave properly when you wear baju kurung. That is just little difference that i noticed. But once you wear a niqab, you will tend to behave more and more, much better of course. You know that people with niqab are good people. We dont want others to think that niqabis or not, they act the same. Never watch out for ikhtilat, never control their voices, and most importantly, jgn nak gedik sangat.
Who knows all those will come just within a few years. And there is still a lot for me to learn. I want to he closer with those girls who wears niqab, long hijab and stuff. I want to be better. I feel a lot , more comfortable, calm and peace in my heart compared to those dark days. I dont feel lonely anymore. And if i do, theres always Him and the Quran. ^.^ Insyallah.
Wassalam
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